Angel in an Armchair

My husband and I bought a home in a poor urban neighborhood. I would like to say we intentionally chose this neighborhood for it’s challenges and to experience the power of God through prayer. I would like to say that, but, the reality is, we are poor. It made sense. I would like to add that although the reason we moved here was financial; we held to the hope that we would experience God in this neighborhood, because we live here.
Six years ago homeless people ate apples from our tree, we had hopes to start a bible study, we prayed for this neighborhood, we prayed for it’s leaders and we prayed for safety. Then, on a hot august night, during the busiest time on the streets, the police conducted a drug raid in a house at the end of our block, shots were fired; and rumors started. Before sundown, a riot had begun, the police retreated, and the journalists who had come out to cover the story had locked themselves in a news van, while their other vehicle was in flames. We prayed that night too.

Since then, life has gotten very busy; my husband is in seminary full time, we are both working full time; and I am auditing classes at the seminary when it fits my schedule. I am still hopeful for the neighborhood, but I don’t pray nearly as much; but to my credit, I am committed to living here, although I hardly ever see my neighbors or walk outside alone. I have lost my sense of purpose. What am I doing here?
While auditing classes at the seminary, I took a class about angels and demons. Having no idea what to expect, I am curious. One of the books in the class is about angels. Some people believe we have angels watching over us, that we each have one angel or many angels. I paused while reading this book, and took some time to pray. Living with fear, it would be nice to believe that God has sent me an angel; and so... without serious intent, I ask “show me my angel”. However, just as suddenly as my request ends, I see, in my mind’s eye, an angel. I see a tall angel, very tall, maybe 7-8 foot tall, broad shoulders; with what I can only suspect to be a gorgeous wingspan because his wings are closed. This Giant of an angel is sitting on our living room chair which is entirely to small for him, his wings are arching over the back of the chair; his size is glorious. He is truly a warrior! But, he’s sitting on our living room chair?! His elbows are resting on his knees, and his cheeks resting in his open hands. He is a warrior angel and he is completely bored. He is bored out of his mind. This surprised me, but than I knew, “Of course he’s bored, I’m just sitting here reading a book”.
Have I cooperated with God as it pertains to this neighborhood? Though faith-filled prayer is very powerful, prayer is NOT powerful if it is performed as an act of service one can do from the safe side of the walls. I was praying for our neighborhood as I was also retreating in fear. It was revealed to me then, how little I know of God’s great power and strength and the strength and power we have as His children. We ought to pray as heirs to the kingdom, not beggars for a sliver of kindness and safety. Since then, I have begun asking myself, what am I willing to wager on what I know of God’s character? What am I willing to bet? I can say that God is great, but if, AS I am saying this, I am also shrinking away in fear; than something is a lie. Either God is great and I don’t believe it enough to live boldly. Or, God is not great, and I just can’t seem to believe the lie.
Desperate to find confidence in God, I have begun to find my answers through the eyepiece of a telescope. Astronomy is something that inspires me greatly to love God; and as Teresa of Avilla says “whatever inspires you to love God, do that.” I have spent many nights at our local observatory under dark skies. It is an education in “God” to see galaxies that fill your eyepiece, a whirlpool of stars overhead, millions of ‘suns’ filling the sky; you can only be filled with great awe. I know that God holds this entire universe in balance with a word; how much more has He committed to see His intentions accomplished through my life? Just one willing person is all he requires, just one willing person in my neighborhood to see things from His perspective, and to love with His heart. Could I be that one? I think there is one angel that is hoping so.